It's been quite some time since I last posted my thoughts here.

Should start something here again. Since 2011 (the year I last posted something) up till this day, a lot of things has changed.

2012 was nothing ordinary.
The decision the push forward with my life living it this way, is a significant choice. Self acceptance has become so easy, especially when so many challenges were thrown at you. Well, the only saving grace is that we know planes take off against the wind, not with it. I decided to leave people that does not help me grow, out of my life.
July 2012 was a something that I will remember for the rest of my life. My mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer of the uterine, scientifically known as LMS. It was a major blow to the family given that we had only lost our beloved grandmother in 2011. I slipped into a state where I was questioning my goals in life. Despite having understanding people around me, but work responsibilities has become a burden to me. It's a tussle between being employed and fulfilling daughter duties. It was no question where my priorities are, it was to be with Her; at the same time I felt the pressure of delivering work for projects I work on, and especially when I have to be posted to Singapore to complete them. I started questioning myself on why I get caught in such situation where I did not have the freedom to choose what I want to do for the people that are important in my life.
I am grateful that my sisters both took time and alternately spend time with mum throughout her battle with the terminal cancer. It was almost like a death sentence when I read about the current statistics of LMS survivors. 5% and if they do, they don't live past 2 years.

2013 was a life turning point for me. I was venturing out of my comfort zone. Sales is something I never never never imagined that I would do. Not even selling anything. When I was younger, probably because of my short temper, Mum have always told me I could never sell anything. Even if the person did or did not buy, I would have probably bit off their heads before they leave. I could never do sales. That thought was kind of imprinted in my head and I grow up knowing that I can never do sales. True enough, all the jobs that I took on were more along the lines of IT, dealing with computers and more interpersonal skills and through lots of teleconferences, I learnt to be articulate and precise.

We really don't know what we are made of until you really discover it.
It was not about selling, it was more on working on the level of influence, driven by belief. How the strong belief is ingrained so soon, I am impressed with the program and what it did to my cholesterol and of course my body. The bigger discovery is using all that you are, all the experiences that I accumulate, put it in a different platform, and poof, I took off.

2014, a new beginning to a new year coming into my second year in this business. The Turkey Incentive Trip was a fun trip especially I brought along my proud Daddy with me :)

Never never never never give up on your dreams :)

Death, close to home

Its such coincidence that I was just blogging about dealing with death in the last post.

My grandma lost her battle to cancer, and passed away peacefully in March.

There were too much memories and time that we shared together, growing up in the same home under one roof.
Those evenings we spent playing with my cats and kittens and dogs. A kind soul like her, she cared for every single stray cat or dogs that came by our house.

The brilliant mind at home, she can fix anything despite not having proper education. I do miss her.

I can stil find myself welled up whenever I speak of her.

May you rest in peace.

I'm back

Back to blogging once more. On mobile this time !

Nasi Lemak x 2

Oh why oh why.

I can feel the warmth ozzing out of the banana leaf and the smell of newspaper kept me on a high.
What is better than a original nasi lemak that comes in a nicely folded pyramid?
Quarter of an egg, salted ikan bilis, a spoonful of sambal and voila!

Simply heavenly.

Bing?

Wonder what Microsoft would think of this? Move aside, Google. Welcome Ayam Bing. =)

Random Thoughts

There's a line called Limit.
We don't draw this invisible line, but one has to adhere to it.

To find understanding and respect for each other is like finding the perfect soil to grow your seeds in. If it was about pushing limits, I would like to ask why is it necessary?

Just so the strongest thrive? Are we being such pessimists that we need to constantly push ourselves as well as others to see who rise and fall?

Personal challenge is necessary.

Death is taboo.
The recent weeks brought too many grim news, I find it hard to cope, even though I wasn't directly affected.

My blessings are with the family members coping with the loss. I can't say that I understand how they felt, but I just hope they have the strength and courage and peace of mind to cope.

-

I find no purpose in my life.

-

I'm just being competitive and pursuing what is right.

Of Time and Bomb

What lies used to be a dead bomb but its ticking away now. What do I do to stop it? Why hadn't I leave this place with the when planted bomb when I had the chance to? Why even venture into that place knowing there was a bomb planted there, even though it was dead.

Out of curiosity? How much time do I have?

Life is about taking risks, they say. Take especially the wrong ones, I'd say. When does the learning stops? We get experience from all the wrong moves we make, but where does it end? How do we know we came out the better, and not repeat the same mistakes again and again?

Whoever came out with this "learning process" must have been very successful in the marketing business for being able to "package" even bad experiences nicely.

Californication

With all of the world's countries big and small, developed or post-war weathering the global economy turmoil, none of the countries can say they were unaffected by the inevitable. Businesses nowadays do not fight for the bigger size of profit. They were simply fighting to stay alive. Where once it touted as sure-windfall to strike a deal with the Government, perhaps it is not now.

Never would anyone imagine reading the headline that says "Iceland Goes Bankrupt".

California too, is at the brink of a financial meltdown with the State issuing mass IOUs to businesses who maintain contracts with the state of California. There is some kind of irony that the once sure-getter will not be paying businesses in monetary terms, but issue papers instead to buy time for recovery. As for us, we are not really affected by the global meltdown. Or so we think. Either that or we we clearly have been disillusioned by the media cover up and still think "It's not THAT bad".

However it's not all gloom. We welcome another California. No, not another state in the United States, but this California:

Ferarri California

In a twist of irony, the same name tells a very different story.

P@sSw0Rd

Sometimes we are the victims of our own creation.

What's the use of uber up-to-date security measures that came in the form of Passwords when after all the painstaking implementation and forcing poor staffs to remember MORE passwords (also more advanced patterns needed - involving symbols, numbers and caps? And throw in at least 10 cycles before a password can be reused?)

We have our workaround to this too. Write those passwords down and leave it lying around the desk or better, stick on the monitor for easy reference, to avoid the hassle of having it reset by a third-party helpdesk (I email you you email my boss my boss email back to you) which is obviously involves alot of work and TIME and any time consuming redundant process that directly affect work productivity will then affect our KPI and subsequently our Bonus. That's alot to risk.

My vote, write them down. Yes. That's my vote.

Endless Spirals

I rarely write about my dreams anymore. I can't seem to remember them like I used to in detail. Makes me wonder if I've lost that ability? Like all others, I don't always know what's coming ahead of time. Like the rest of us mortal souls, we can only see what's ahead when we go round the bend. Come what may, I always tell myself, what's more important is the capacity and ability to cope and deal with whatever the Higher powers may throw at you.

Life stories can be very interesting, the worse it is the better; people are willing to spend hours listening to you. Of how much crap can one take, how bitch people can be, and how shitty people make your life and the list goes on. On the other hand, listening to someone telling how they overcame shitty situation is indeed a bore. Instead of enlightening, people might even think of you as a self-absorbed.

People don't have to know how much you've gone through to understand and accept you as a person. You don't have to be bitter and feed off sympathy to make your life interesting. You know your worth and no one should ever pull you down from where you once stood tall.

We can never prepare ourselves for what's yet to come, but we are in full control on how we want things to proceed.

Whispering Devils

Angels and Demons was a good one.

I've been wanting to watch this but don't seem to be able to find time. I'm getting the dosage of break I need now out of TL-ness. So I get to slack everyday and not worry about work until the end of the month.

I realised that I have got used to the daily routine of waking up each day, get out of bed, leave the house and get myself on the roads, just like tens and thousands of other people get stuck in the daily crawl.

When I take a break, I find myself still thinking about work, worry about not going to bed early, worry about not getting enough rest, had some voices in my head telling me tomorrow's a work day and all the anxieties that come with it. It's annoying. Very annoying.

Now that I've got what I needed, to leave all the thoughts at work behind, I seriously need to get my mind Off it.

May the dark force be with me.

We Never Change

I wanna live life and never be cruel.
I wanna live life and be good to you.

And I wanna fly and never come down.
And live my life and have friends around.

We never change, do we? no, no
We never learn, do we?

So I wanna live in a wooden house.

I wanna live life and always be true.
I wanna live life and be good to you.

And I wanna fly and never come down.
And live my life and have friends around.

We never change, do we? No, no
We never learn, do we?

So I wanna live in a wooden house,
where making more friends would be easy.

Oh, and I don´t have a soul to save.
Yes, and I sin every single day.

We never change, do we?
We never learn, do we?

So I wanna live in a wooden house,
Where making more friends would be easy.
I wanna live where the sun comes out ...

Random Blabs

I recently read a note written by a friend somewhere online. It struck me instantly, on how people change over time; that with each event that took place in one's life, we're slowly changing. We will never be the same person we used to be, whether we like it or not because every single thing you experienced in life leaves a mark in you.

Things happen. We forgive, forget and get over it. Back to square one, or so you thought. Every square one might not be the same as before. Because as a person, we grow. It's a constant process and it's not in our control to stop changing.

We sometimes fail to understand events that take place in our daily lives, people's reactions, choice of words, every conversation you've had, every single person you knew, strangers alike,how things unfold they way they did.

Beyond control they were.

It's up to us to not let ourselves be affected.

Oit, DONE!

Sometimes we got so engrossed in work that we forgot the very essence of quality time and the corporate world humour.

We work with impossible bosses with impossible deadlines. Impossible deadlines means losing your sanity and when you have a bunch of cockoo people, things don't go in a straight line.
On top of that throw some of the most impossible people ..

"I want this, yesterday."

"Meeting starts at 9. If you're here at 9, you're late."

Impossible deadlines puts everyone under pressure. This is a chain reaction. Your boss give you impossible deadlines because his boss is giving him the same impossible deadline, if not worse. So he's simply "cascading" his pain to you, and subsequently you to others.

I want this line and this paragraph to be amended. Change all the reports.
1 months later (testing included), DONE!

We need to change this field, change the layout, change the colours. We need to interface with this this and this to get maximum slice of the pie! Get this done, no matter what.
3 weeks later, DONE!

I am not happy with this. We're incompetent. We need to revamp this entire system. Find a replacement.
DONE!

You will notice how different things used to be and how things are now. Small things used to take longer time to be completed. As time goes by, the more impossible, the more massive the project size, the shorter time it takes. We don't like things to complicate things and we like to keep the peace.

DONE. DONE. DONE.

The Laws of Attraction

I don't know how to explain this.
In Hokkien, they call it "miao yen".
In Bahasa Melayu, "Jodoh Kucing"?
In English, I haven't figured out a term for this yet.

Honestly, have you ever been stared at by cats?

This cat actually came running when I was walking up the stairs while holding a can of 100Plus in hand. Okay this one didn't stare at me, he was looking at that can of 100Plus. Guess cats don't just live in a place, they behave like they should be. Badminton Hall resident the blue eyed cat.

God.

Mamak cat. Can't even see the face. He walked over when I took a seat at one of the chairs. -_-

Is this getting ridiculous?

I realise its not food. Cos I wasn't eating or having any food source with me. Or do I smell like food?

Either they stare or they give me this look.

Other's will give me this. Back rubs and rolls.

What do you think?

Outrageous

I'm sitting in this hall listening to a lot of crap. I couldn't keep count of how many times I rolled my eyes.

It's no doubt that everyone is affected by the slowdown in the economy, white collar workforce not spared. Even though The mothership Did not face direct hit, but everyone seem to be jumping at chances to blame it on the economy and make some quick cash.

I'm absolutely TL.

Find me a readable piece of news

Do we get more insights when we observe hard enough?
Or does it come quite easily? Just a glance?
Or do we always act smart and always think that we were right about everything?

A wound might heal over time.
A scar remains for the rest of your life.

There are things I don't know how to deal with.
It's far beyond what my current state of mind is capable of.
Or so I thought.

I've got some thinking to do.

See ya.

Winds of Change

We don't know what space looks like.
Where's the starting point and where exactly is the end point.
Scientists claim that it's expanding and accelerating as days go by.
New planets are discovered, way beyond our solar system.
Could there be another planet like Earth?

Weather's gone crazy
Wild fires, flood, storm and drought
Humanity fighting new diseases and viruses
People dying
Lakes are drying
Glaciers melting
Oceans rising
Nothing is as predictable anymore.


Is it time for us to be responsible for the damage we've done to our planet?