What If?

When I was a kid, loved running around in the front porch and garden, playing with my dogs, ride a bike or just sit out under the tree. A more of an outdoors person.

There was a time in school when Sea Quest DSV became the IN thing. At first I did not give a fly about what Sea Quest was all about, and all the hype on Jonathan Brandis (he played Lucas). Jonathan who?? Yawns. Even Steven Spielberg got a piece of the admiration surrounding Jonathan Brandis. And the dolphin. Eek!
The craziness got a bit overboard when conversations revolved around Sea Quest and each of its episodes. That was when peer pressure hit me hard. I caught no balls. Clueless. Then I started to set aside time to watch it. And try not to miss any episodes. Got hooked ever since. Just because I was trying to keep up with the rest.

Imagine if we have Astro on Demand at that time. How hard will it be to catch up with the rest? Also the amount of money you have to spend just so you can be in the flow? It will then be a showcase of the rich, people who can afford any luxuries that they want, whenever they want.

Other things that made an entry to our little minds:
Smash Hits. Sweet Valley High. Kenari Malay Novel Series. Hardy Boys. And the list goes on.
Perhaps the love for reading started there. I learned to read. Reading a book is a skill. Not just plain reading something like a textbook. Sci fi, mysteries; I let my imagination run free.

Growing up gave the best lessons in life. As a kid, I grew up among gangs in school. Not real gangs, just circles of girls who share similar interests or belong together. (I don't recall what we had common =P) There were no such things as clashes, girl fights and twisted stories we associate with gangs. We had namelists, and the ranks among members. I don't remember how we qualify someone to become "one of our own" but we had a way.

When I was in Standard 3 however, I was boycotted by the entire gang just because I spoke to a member of "the other gang". "We're not friends anymore". Just because I spoke to the girl (for whatever reasons I can't recall). It had to be the darkest month in my entire year at school. I don't remember exactly how long the boycott went on, but it was painfully long. Other members were not allowed to speak to me on orders from the Leader, and they tend to avoid me all together.

What did I do wrong? Even my cousin can't speak to me at school. Because they had to obey the Leader. I was officially a loner. I hadn't spoken to anyone from my class for a while, and turned to my seniors for company. I told them about what happened in class and I was told "It's going to be alright."Yeah, I know I'll be fine.

"The other gang's" leader asked me to join them but I felt out of place. It was nice of them to allow me to hang around with them, but still, from a distant, I long to be with my friends again.
This kind of punishment was the hardest to take. It's like an emotional warfare where your weapons were glances, mean looks and silence.

One fine day, I stepped up to the Leader, and asked her if we could be friends again. She turned around and spoke to her members, as if to ask them if I was punished enough, then turned to me again and said "Yes, we can be friends again." Still, I didn't know why they had to punish me for speaking to that girl. But still, I had to be lesser of myself and made that first move I knew would not come from them, just so I can be with my friends again. I've never looked back since.

Taking a step back make wonders sometimes.

The funny thing about this circle of friends was the way they pick their leader.
At first it was the tallest and smart, because a person looks like a leader when she's taller and smarter than the rest. -.-" She was the best in every class she went to up till now.

Then the fastest runner. -.-" (She's the girl staying next door. Haha) I was the so called assistant cos I was second fastest -.-"
If only the world works in such a simple way now.

But the point is, What if I never took that one step back? Will I still have the friends I had right till this day?