Our Lives Do Matter to Others

TeatimeReflections by Lauren Lim

Rachel and I have not seen each other for a long time. We decided to catch up over dinner one night. Dinner continued to drinks at my home which ended when the clock struck 12 midnight.

My daughter was fast asleep by then and the household was quiet. I reflected on our conversation and I felt pain deep in my heart for Rachel.

We first met four years ago when I moved to Kuala Lumpur. Her warm and friendly nature masked the painful experience that she had just emerged from.

Rachel had leukemia. She had lost all her hair on her head and wears a wig. She had to quit college after a term because of the disease that was ravaging her body, leaving her all bones and nothing else in life to look forward to.

In spite of her condition, she never complained about the state that she was in. She extended her hand of friendship and we hit it off.

She was no daredevil who coloured my life with excitement but the warmth she exudes made my settling into the big city more easier.

Rachel loves children and always dreamnt of furthering her studies in child development. She used to talk about starting a kindergarten where she could nurture young lives and...simply love them.

All of that is gone today. Rachel is ravaged by another disease that that has overtaken her soul and her life. She is pining for a lost love that is no more. A love that was never meant to be - but the initial excitement of a new foind love was too much to withstand.

She gave herself over completely to the throbbing passions of young love and never had a second to stop to ponder the situation. This threw her bearings in life astray and has today, left her in the wilderness.

It all ended before she even realised it and was in fact, living in a dream for a while. She swam in the sea of denial telling herself that goodtimes will come back. After all, something that feels so
right cannot be wrong... and she could not be more wrong about that.

Rachel has a wonderful personality that could endear her to anyone. After her bout of illness, it took her some time to find her footing in life again.

As weeks and then months went by, the group of friends whom we had were absolutely thrilled to see her blossoming into a more confident and mature person.

We were cheering her on as she enrolled into a night class to continue her studies now that she was working. She began to initiate meaningful get-togethers for the group and we were just plain happy to see her live life again. Unfortunately, that did not last very long.

When the rollercoaster ride began for her, it was almost impossible to get in touch with her, as nothing in the world mattered other than the one who was at the driver's seat. And she had no time to miss her friends. While we were initially excited over her new found love, we soon realised that it was really merely a ride.

Today, the ride has yet to end. It has slowed down to a great extent but she is unwilling to get off it. Part of her wants to but the other wants to hold on - hoping for another euphoric ride.

At the end of our long chat, it dawned on me that nothing I say or do could persuade her to start living again. The mobile phone is like a life-line - she waits for that call that comes only on weekends; which ultimately injects more pain as her expectations will once again be snubbed out like a cigarette.

It pains me to see her in a situation which she has total control of but wants to do nothing about.

I have countless times wondered what I can do to lift up her eyes to see the stars above and help her rise up from the gutter she is in. Despite many tries, I have been unsuccessful. The few of us who are her "pals" are still waiting for the return of this one member of the group.

We are often at a lost for words to say to to her (and to each other) but she knows that our arms are extended to her, our footsteps are aimed at her direction; our thoughts and prayers are with her.

It is now up to her to make that U-turn and start living again. She knows that there is no condemnation and shame where we are concerned. We just want someone with so much talent and potential to make her life count.

I quote George Bernard Shaw : My life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.

Rachel, we are waiting.

*Deeply touched by this story. In fact, our lives do matter to others. It remains a mystery why people often choose to hang on to something that they knew better to let go of. Never underestimate the power love cast over helpless people deeply in love. Sometimes we just have to look further from where we stand to see what's waiting ahead of us. Love is a disease. Find a cure to it.